for my brothers

the four of us would sit on the sofas in the basement the ones with the rickety arms and the holes in the seats where legos would disappear as if falling into a black hole and i was afraid to search for them because maybe my arm would disappear too or maybe i'd find something i didn't want like old moldy crumbs or a spider web that was what i was most scared of so i'd whine until one of you would go fishing for legos instead but you were older and wiser and braver so for you it was fun to see what marbles and g i joes were down there and you’d find the head of my barbie the one you popped off and i had cried about because it was my favourite it had the best hair not like my frizzy messy nerdy hair that i got teased about at school but the three of you would never tease me about it you'd just tease because i was so short and twiggy and you could easily throw me around the room and whenever we lay on the sofas you'd try to pull my blanket away from me and you'd win because you were so much stronger but i'd always fight back anyway and mom would hear us wrestling but wouldn't stop it she'd just yell down the stairs at you to 'watch her nose' because i got nosebleeds every day and one of you would always end up hitting my nose anyway and i'd cry not because it really hurt but because it would get you in trouble and that was the only way i ever won but i'd always end up with brown-red spots on my pink blankets or on my favourite clothes and now i'm an expert at stopping the bleeding but not at removing the stains.

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